Week #2: This shit is bananas!

[Britney Haynes]

*stars crying*

My home gurl, Hollers, is gone. *starts wailing* It's so sad. We shared a bed in the jungle room, and now, I will have no one to share it with.

The plan was to backdoor Annie. Everyone was fine with it, Annie was going up and then we were all going to vote her out. But then after Justin comes off the block, everyone was like:::

"Yeahhhh......about that....ummm.....ahhhhh...yeah, I think....I think I might vote Holly, okay? Okay bai! *runs away*"

Like, stupid bitchez! I don't understand! I'm so mad about it!

I'm mostly mad because I could have saved Holly. But, I listened to other people and didn't! UGH, Im so fucking dumb!

I bet everyone is at home right now screaming at the TV and saying "OMG, that girl Britney, well shes soo beautiful, talented, fabulous, totally wanna be her, but GAWD! That girl has NO brain! Shes so, like, stupid and stuff!"

I know, I should have use the veto on Holly and saved her, but I didn't and now shes gone. Basically, I just personally eliminated my own ally.....lolz what an UGHMAZING move!

To top it all off, Justin, didn't even fucking say thank you! Yeah, okay, he said thank you at the ceremony, but not afterward! A person with common courtesy would pull you away in private and say thanks. He didn't do that! I'm kind of insulted to be frank! Thats just like so rude! He has no manners!

Also, Justin is such a little slut-face! Everyone knows that Angie and April were the ones who voted for Annie. However, Justin is going around telling people that he voted for Annie? WTFEVER JUSTIN! We all know he is lying! He even photoshopped a vote to make it look like he voted for Annie! Yeah, Yeah, you're not fooling anyone SLUT-FACE! SLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT-FAAAAAAACCCEEEE!!! I'm so mad at myself for saving him! I want to shave his disgusting hair off his head! I don't even know why he is bothering to lie about his vote. It makes no sense. HE DUMB!

The house is kind of unknowingly divided in to two parts. There is the kind of ugly, boring, whoreish, lame, wannabitches on one side, and then the more pretty, funny, outgoing, talkative, bitch while doing their hair in the morning side. I'm obviously part of the later. If I were to like walk into a room and more of the people from the other side were in it, I would probably vomit everywhere and then walk out to go find my peeps. I just don't enjoy talking to them, and I kind of like refuse to now.

The horrible side that no one likes consists of pretty much all the guys and then that little runt Nataskank. And then the rest of the house is kind of all the girls. Except for Angie really, I mean we love her and she fits in. But she seems to kind of float.

I do like Marvin though, and I have actually started to really like Enzo. He is kind of hilar! He, of course is the Meow Meow, while I have become his Woof Woof. I know, adorable right!? So, you know, we're kind of friends.

Michele ended up giving the bomb to Memphis. A lot of the girls have really started disliking Memphis. He tries too hard, and he is a bit of a hoe. So a lot of the girls kind of think that he gotta go! If one of us wins, he will probably be nominated.

At this point, Im not too worried about being nominated. I think there could be a chance, but hopefully people enjoy my company enough not to nominate me. If Nataskank, Eric, or Justin win, I would be a little nervous because they have zero personality, therefore I don't talk to them. So I wouldn't be too surprised if they nominated me. And they will definitely be on my radar for the challenge.

Speaking of which:::

For the HOH challenge we were each asked to design our own flag! OMG, let me tell you, it was so much fun! I love to design anything that centers around the topic of ME! So, of course, my flag would be amazing! And, I like to think it is better than anything those trashy skanks made in previous seasons! So, without further a due....I present thee......BRITNEY'S FABUFLAG!



TOTES FAB!

I decided to call it a Fabuflag because it's Fabulous and it's a Flag! Sums it up right!?! I totally think that if this was a competition on who could design the best and most fabulous flag, I would win HANDS, FEET, SHOULDERS, CROTCH, EVERYTING DOWN! But, sadly, it's about stealing other peoples flag! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT ANYONE WHO STEALS MY FABUFLAG WILL PERISH IN NATASKANK'S ROTTEN AND DECAYING MANGINA!

Okay, so Ive been in the DR for like an hour now, and I know you bitchez are getting tired of me, but I have saved the BEST for last!

Okay, so get this! Before Holly left the house, on her way out, Holly comes up to hug me and in her hand is this piece of paper. So, nonchalantly, she puts the piece of paper in my pocket and gives me a wink then walks out the front door! So, here I am thinking like OHEMGEE what could this be!? It actually turns out to be this weird cryptogram or something! A puzzle that involves solving a phrase or something. I forget it's name!

So I am thinking It must be like a clue to some secret power or something. From what I remember of last season, people like Sarah and Will got these cryptograms or whatever, and they were able to solve it and open up the basement, and then, in return, they got like some secret power.

Now, I have no idea how Holly got this, she didn't say. But now it's in my possession! HOORAH! The problem is that it's only fucking half of the puzzle! What is this shit! Where is the other half!? I'm thinking maybe Holly got this for being nominated and maybe Justin or Annie have the other half. Hmmmmmmm.

If I have to fucking work with Justin to get some secret power, IM NOT DOING IT! Thats so gross and I refuse!

But having a secret power would be totally awesome!

Hmmmmm, maybe Ill think about it!

[Britney Haynes]

This is the thing that Hollers gave me::::


i54.tinypic.com/2cqffhg.jpg


WHAT COULD IT MEAN!?!?!?!?!

[Britney Haynes]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH!

IM SO PISSED!

WHHHHYYYYYY!!!! WHY, JESUS, WHY?!?!?!?

Justin won fucking HOH...of course, OF COURSE!

I got all excited because I thought I captured his flag! Like, I was really really excited! I was like "OHEMGEE, I DID IT!"!!!!! And then I realized that I captured his flag AFTER the competition was over......*pouts*

Well, this sucks! How dumb am I? UGH SO MUCH!

Honestly, I really think I am fulfilling the dumb blond role here. But oh wells, everyone knows that Vetoes are my forte!

So, I don't know if I have talked about this yet or not, but Rachel, Sharon, Michele and I have made a Fierce Foursome! And we were all helping each other the competition. I really like all those girls, so working with them should be great. Along with having an alliance with them, Sharon and I also have an alliance with April. Though, when we were chatting to Rachel and Michele, Sharon just tells them, OUT IN THE OPEN, about our alliance with April. I mean, it's probably not a big deal, but I like to keep my secrets secret, you know? Plus, I don't 100% trust Rachel. I like Rachel, but I think she is smarter than she lets on to be. I'll keep my beautifully mascaraed eye on her.

With Justin being HOH, I don't feel like I'll be nominated. I mean, I used the Veto on him......If he nominated me after I used the Veto on him, he would be as cruel as the devil! I would go ballistic if that happened. But, I don't think it will. Plus, I have already bubbled up in the tub with Justin and he has told me he won't put me up.

Justin said that his plan this week is to evict Sharon, which is totally bad for me. Sharon is a really good ally, and I can't have her leaving this week. If he nominates Sharon and someone else, thats fine. However, if he nominates Sharon and say like Michele, then thats super shitty! Basically Sharon has to win Veto this week!

My strategy is to stay low this week. Last week I won the veto and hosted the most amazing ceremony! So, this week I think I can afford to hide a bit. It's still early in the game.

[Britney Haynes]

WOOOO HAIII!!!! GUESS WHO IS SAFE!?!?!?!

ME!

I guess saving Justin with the veto last week really paid off! Justin totally trusts me now, and I am totally 100% safe this week! OMG, I guess I'm not so dumb after all!

Saving Justin with the veto has totally worked out, it's crazy!

Justin told me today that THERE IS A BASEMENT! Thats right, a basement bitchez!

For all those non-warzone fans (which, probably don't exist, because whose not a fan of warzone, like amirite!?) the basement has appeared in every season, and has held secret awesome powers that can be used by anyone who gets access to them. Like last season, Renny, Sarah and Will all got powers, and they were all like wicked powers, so this is like majah important!

Justin tells me that in order to get a clue to the basement, you have to do a combo of things...like get nominated and win a comp or like win a comp and be saved by the veto! Which, Justin has done. Therefore he is the only one to receive a clue! He tells me that there are like a bunch of things that you have to do to get into the basement, and its like super hard, but he is working on it!

So, I'm really excited because (A) Justin trusts me enough to tell me this (apparently, he hasn't told anyone else) and (B) I'm really close to getting a clue too! Cause, I won the Veto last week, so maybe if I win the veto this week, I can get a clue to the basement! Which, would ROCK MY WORLD!

Justin also said he wants to make an alliance! Which, is hella good for me, because that means that I won't have to worry about being the replacement nominee if one of the two noms come off the block! He also said that he wants to bring two or three other people into our alliance. I suggested Rachel, because I really like Rachel, like, she hates the same people I hate, and she likes the same people I like. And we have very similar personalities. Like, we're both really above anyone else in this game. There are a lot of trashy borwhores here, and its nice to talk to someone who isn't. I also mentioned to Justin about bringing Memphis into our alliance. Memphis is really annoying, and kind of fat, but, like he possesses the bomb! So, what person better person to make an alliance with!? If Rachel and I are in an alliance with him, he won't bother giving us the bomb! So, it's totally like smart and perfect! GOD, Im like a total genius!

Rachel and I decided that we're not going to bother telling Sharon and Michele about our alliance. Sharon is kind of a beast, and we think she would flip out if she knew. Plus, we would rather play both sides.

At this point, I kind of have an alliance with a lot of people. I have the Fierce Four with Rachel, Sharon and Michele. Then, I have the Buxom Blonds with Sharon and April, and then I have this other alliance with Justin and Rachel (and Memphis soon too). And then I kind of have this unspoken alliance with Marvin. I mean, we are a showmance, and I think he has my back, so I guess it is kind of an unspoken alliance.

So it could be bad to have this many alliances, but, like, it's not my fault that Im so popular and everyone want's to get with me.....ahem, I mean *align* with me.

[Britney Haynes]

OH MY FUCKING GAWD!WHAT THE FUCK!

OKAY, SO, LIKE

There is this pruney, little wanker in this game who has it out for me!

Some ugly, trampy, slut-face, prostitution whore comes up to Justin and is like::::

"Sharon and Britney are working together! Watch Out!?"

*pauses, then glares at the camera"

EXCUSE ME!

I am insulted! Who would be so RUDE enough to start saying these awful rumors!

And get this, they're under a fucking fake screen name, so no one will know their *true identity*

LIKE, HAR HAR HAR, HOW FUCKING LAME IS THAT!?!

That is the lamest thing since Eddie's god awful diary rooms from last season!

Like, this person, who mysteriously goes by: bnanamnky7, is so pathetic! They make a fake AIM screen-name to spread shit, because they're too afraid to do it out in the open! Like, if you want to cause drama, then don't be a coward and just hide behind some fake account! Grow some balls and do it face to face!

I hate people like this, who start shit for their own amusement! It's so tacky and pointless!

Apparently, this isn't the first indecent either. Last week, before Holly was evicted, someone, under a different AIM screen-name, went to Annie and said "Sharon wants you out". Everyone thought it was Holly, and it led to her eviction....but now Holly is out and it happened again!

This is really not good, because these rumors that this bitch is spreading.....ARE TRUE! Sharon did want Annie out and I am aligned with Sharon!

They keep saying that they are "A Helper". Well you know what bitch! YOU AINT HELPIN ME!



"I'm bnanamnky7! I'm a stupid, cowardly pussy, that has a lame ass AIM name! I should be out working my corner right now, but lets face it, no one would want my whoreish ass! So, instead, I'm going to cause drama in the BB Warzone House! TEHE!"


Whoever this person is needs to be stopped!

I don't know how they know this information, but they do, and it's ruining my game!

I am going to get to the bottom of this! And when I find out who they actually are

*crawls right up to the camera for a head shot and whispers*

I'm going to rip their larynx out, eat it for dinner, then barf it up in the toilet and flush it down! So they'll go out like they deserve......LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!

*winks, gets up and struts out of the Diary Room*

[Britney Haynes]

I AM SO BEYOND PISSED! BED, BATH AND BEYOND PISSED!!!!

Yesterday was our second veto competition. It was extremely hard. Like, I thank Chelsbotox for putting it together, but I was just not havin it! After 5 mins I was like "Whatever!" and went to take a nap. And, after waking from my slumber (still looking fresh and beautiful, btw) the veto competition was over! And Memphis won!

Good for Memphis, he is obviously smarter than I thought he was. I, though, have more important things to do with my brain power. For instance, I need to use my brain to figure out how I'm going to wear my hair, or what top looks cute with these pants....not what houseguest said what!

So once Memphis won Veto, the beast in Sharon awoke!

Sharon, stupidly decides to go tell Memphis about every fucking alliance she is in! In the hopes that by telling him he would save her with the veto!?!?! Like, wheres the fucking logic in that!?

Here is a reenactment::::

Sharon: OMG, Like, hai Memphy *unbuttons shirt to show cleavage (or lack there of)*
Memphis: Hi, Sharon ^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^
Sharon: Omg, like, ahahahaha, if you veto me, ahahaha, Ill like tell you who all of my allies are"
Memphis: No, I don't really care.
Sharon: Sure, you do! Silly!
Memphis: No
Sharon: well, Ill tell you anyways, okay like Im so in an alliance with Rachel and like Britney, but like, they're so much prettier than me, so I am starting to feel inadequate. So, like, tehe, I'm like totally going to throw them under the bus to save myself!
Memphis: Meh, Im not using the veto on you.

*Sharon runs back to Rachel*

Sharon: oh no Rachel, Memphy totally knows about our alliance!
Rachel: *provides viewers with a glamorous hair flip* WTF? How did he fucking find out, beyotch?
Sharon: Oh....like, I totally told him BY MISTAKE!

BY MISTAKE!?! You can't just TELL everyone about an alliance BY MISTAKE!

Then, Sharon goes on to say that Memphis already knew about the alliance! YEAH, BECAUSE SHARON FUCKING TOLD HIM, THATS WHY HE KNEW!!!!

Honestly, I can't believe that Sharon would throw us all under the bus to save herself! WHAT A WHORE!

I am DUN with her! DUN! She has sunk her ship!

Now, Rachel and I have to do damage control on our alliance with Justin and Memphis!

I'm just ready for this whore-face, Sharon, to leave so I can start over with a new and BETTER alliance!

[Britney Haynes]

This is mah survey, yo.

1. Who is the biggest threat? Memphis (I don't know why, but he's a threat to me)
2. Who is no threat at all? Natalie (She doesn't fucking do anything, LIKE LOLZ)
3. Who is the biggest drama king or queen? April (shes always worrying about things that don't matter)
4. Who is the most annoying? Memphis (^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^ XD XD XD XD XD, ugh, you have no idea)
5. Who is most likely to cyber with another Houseguest over the course of the game? April (ha! she lahvs anal!)
6. Who is the biggest shit-stirrer? Memphis (thats like all he stirs)
7. Who is the most likely to blow off a hot date because a live challenge for the game has been scheduled for that night? April (she'll *blow off* anything)
8. If you could spend a romantic evening with one Houseguest, who would you choose? Marvin (Showmance! HOLLA!)
9. Who is the most likely to self-destruct in this game? April (I can so see her flipping out)
10. Who will be the first boot? Sharon (since shes leaving, right?)
11. Who is the biggest threat to win a jury vote? Annie (I dunno, thats tough)
12. Who could never win a jury vote to save their life? Natalie (we would all probably fall asleep as soon as she opened her mouth)
13. Who is the sweetest Houseguest? Angie (so sweet <3, Annie is too though <3)
14. Which Houseguest is the bitchiest? Rachel (love that bitch <3)
15. Which Houseguest is the sneakiest? Memphis (he's always sneaking around *gags*)
16. Who would be the most likely to stab their closest ally in the back? SHARON (bitch already did it!)
17. Who is the most trustworthy? Justin (I feel so)
18. Who is the funniest Houseguest? Enzo (he's HIGHlarious <3)
19. Who is the cockiest Houseguest? Marvin (bitch can't cook nothin)

[Britney Haynes]

*Struts into the Diary Room, looking FAB (not fat n fab though, ew @ Jun) and seductively sits*

Chelzbot: OMG HAI BRIT!!!1!!111!!!!

Britney: OMG HAI GURL! OMG Gurl, from the neck up, cause, you know thats all I can see on the screen *both Britney and Chelzbot giggle*, you look damn fab! dang gurl! hai!

Chelzbot: OMG what chu talkin about gurl!? You're the one looking fab! You put all those other peeps in the living room right over there, to SHAME! To shame, gurl!

Britney: I mean, that isn't hard, look at them!

*both Britney and Chelzbot laugh hysterically*

Chelzbot: Oh, aha, okay, gurl, who you be votin for? hm? Who you vote to evict?

Britney: I like hella vote to evict that skank SHARON She ain't be *sharon* none of mah airtime no more!

Chelzbot: OMG, gurl, THANK THE LORD! I didn't want to say nuttin, but that Sharon gurl is awful! just AWFUL! I don't even know why we casted her in the first place! I am soooo so soooo soo sawry that you had to live with her for two weeks. Gurl, you are so strong to put up with that!

Britney: I know, like, it was rough at times, but I persevered!

Chelzbot: Good fur you, gurl! Good fur you! Audience, round of applause for our star this season, Britney!

*the audience roars and cheers in applause! and begins chanting Britney! Britney! Britney!*

Chelzbot: Gurl, we love you! I would wish you luck, but we all know you're going to win HOH! So, it's time for you to go back to the living room, cause some other digusting hag needs to come in a vote, ugh!

Britney: hahaha, thanks Chelzers!

*blows kiss, then struts out*